Abby Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots
by FunInTheAlternateUniverse
Summary: I believe the title says it all.
1. Chapter 1

_Yes, I know it's very short. I uploaded a Christmas story two days ago, and these stories are very irrelevant to Christmas even though that is the day I am posting them on. I started writing these little things on Abbey because I was bored and they turned into these little actual pointless one-shots. And luckily, before I started posting this, I had already written four so you wont have to wait long for the next chapter._

_Disclaimer: The wonderful Miss Abigail Scuito does not belong to me. If she did she would be in a full on McAbbey relationship by now ( and on that note, NCIS doesnt belong to me either because if it did there would be an actual Tiva relationship by now and the hysterical and adorable Jimmy Palmer would get much more screen time._

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**Abbey Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots: The world needs a little inconsistency**

Sometimes, the only way to get your machines to work is to stare at them and think good thoughts. This theory has been tried, tested, perfected, and proved very inconsistent by one lovable forensic scientist. Although sketchy, sometimes where there's a will, there's a way. But not today.

"Whatcha got Abbs?"

"Nothing yet Gi... you're not Gibbs." And indeed he wasn't. The person who had walked through those ever opened doors was a cocky, Caf-Pow! toting DiNozzo.

"No Abbs, I'm not. Whatcha got?"

Abbey straightens up from where she was leaning over her Major Mass Spec. Results were a product of success, success completely out of Abbey's control.

"Nothing Tony, I've got nothing." She sighed.

Abbey then reaches for the Caf-Pow!; which was with good intentions, but Tony had other ideas.

"Nuh, uh. No results, no Caf-Pow!."

Tony held the caffeine filled drink above his head while a pig tailed donned Abbey stood on her tiptoes and tried to reach it.

Abbey stretches to the limit in her mega heeled boots. With her non-sensible choice in footwear, she is only slightly shorter than DiNozzo. She stretches her arms higher, and higher, but her fingers miss the cup by a centimeter.

"Fine!" Abbey crosses her arms and pouts.

Something beeps.

"Oooh, whatcha got?" Tony lowers his arm and bends to stare at the machine like it's going to start spontaneously talking to him. Abbey takes this opportunity to snatch the hostage from Tony's grip. Tony turns in surprise.

"Hey!"

Abbey takes a greedy sip.

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_Reviews fuel the fire._


	2. Chapter 2

_Just like BTW, this probably takes place shortly after McGee became part of Gibbs team. Not like right away, but maybe like season three or four. On another note, its seems I have slipped out of my writers persona and back into my inner teen seeing how the previous sentence was chalk full of 'likes' and 'BTWs'. _

_Disclaimer: I do not in the least own the marvelosity (not a real word) that is NCIS. If I did I wouldnt have to make up words like marvelosity to get attention. Oh well, whatcha gonna do._

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**Abbey Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots: The music fits the stereotypes**

Loud music is sometimes the only way to go. For a number of reasons; without it you think too much is one of them. This isn't the reason for Abbey though. She is a scientist! Thinking is encouraged! For her, it might be just for some white noise, something to fill the empty space. Most people, as one would think, would go for something classical, maybe even settle for simply quieter. And while Abbey doesn't in the least usually qualify for Goth stereotypes, the music is one she exceeds in. With Abbey's tall heeled and studded boots, almost dangerously short red and black skirt, black sweater with (interestingly enough) kittens on it, spiked collar and bracelets, black lipstick, and swinging black pigtails- the music definitely does match her style. The music is not for everyone though.

"Abbey! What is this?!" Shouts one Timothy McGee as he steps into our forensic scientist's lab and is met by deafening music.

"This, Timothy, is the wonderful sound of music!"

"Well turn it down!"

"Why?"

Abbey sizes up McGee, watching him grow quiet as she intimidates him. Albeit becoming an efficient agent, the man still tends to show his probie side when confronted.

"D-don't you think it's a little l-loud?" he stutters.

"What I think, is that you don't appreciate real music." but she turns it down anyways to please the nervous newbie.

"Thank you." McGee says, a little irritatedly.

"Geeez, who peed in your cereal?"

"First, gross; and second, it's just DiNozzo.

Abbey seems to study him thoughtfully.

"You're afraid to stand up to him aren't you?" she taunts with a knowing smile.

McGee balks.

"I am not!"

"McGee, lighten up! DiNozzo's a softy, you just got to stand up to him, show him his place!'

Suddenly, they both whip around as they hear voice from the doorway:

"I hope you're talking about another DiNozzo."

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_Very special thanks to **PancakesAndSunshine** for the kind words. I hope you will like this chapter as much as the first one:)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Behold my pretties, the third installment! (hold for applause). I actually own a Bert The Hippo stuffed animal... it's pretty funny. These are all a little short, so tell me if you want me to perhaprs make the future ones longer. BTW this probably takes place in present day due to the mention of the bomb attack._

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS nor Abigail Scuito, nor Bert The Hippo. I do however own a replica of Bert The Hippo... but that's another thing entirely._

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**Abbey Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots: The luckiest hippo alive**

Hippopotami (or hippos) are large semi- aquatic mammals. They are definitely not found in a lot of places. Abbey can think of two, beside zoos: Africa, and the NCIS forensic lab in Washington DC. It is accurate to say - while sounding like a popular children's cartoon- that Bert the Hippo doesn't do much. True, he can do more than most stuffed animals, but that's not saying a lot. What makes him so interesting? Is it that he looks so nice in a spiked collar? Is it the fact that (and not many people know this) that he is also a hand puppet? Maybe, it's the unique trait of being able to produce a flatulent sound when squeezed. Whatever the reason is, he is one of Abbey's most prized possessions. Many a times he has been used as a pillow; mostly by a weary and well-meaning DiNozzo. Many a times he has been squeezed as a way of providing humor, or comfort. Once, his unique trait was wrongly mistaken of not coming out of him, but his owner (it's not his fault McGee was shot down when trying to correct the accusers.) And even though it turned out that he was in no actual danger at all, he was even first thought of in a bomb attack. While most hippos are seen as great predators (being the third largest mammal), and get to graze and sleep in mud all day; he gets to work with a Goth scientist to find guilty people, and clear the names of the wrongly accused. Bert the hippo considers himself the luckiest hippo alive.

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_Again, very special (channeling my inner DiNozzo here) thanks to **PancakesAndSunshine** for the marvelous words (though I'm not quite sure what encompassing means) and encouragement, and I hope you keep reading:)_

_Reviews fuel the fire._


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I had a sleepover (OMG yay woohoo!) I don't know if I'll be able to post tomorrow because this concludes the one-shots that I have stocked up on. I'll have to write a new one (writing, what's that?)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. If I did then we would get to see much more of Tony's apartment (And everyone elses for that matter, I would love to see Abbey's coffin)_

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**Abbey Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots: Sometimes, threats are very much needed**

Was it true that Abbey could kill someone and leave no forensic evidence whatsoever? Probably. As forensic scientists go, she was one of the best. Although she had no spite in her heart, if she had her reasons and picked her method, she was confident she would leave nothing; not a fiber, or a hair, or a fingerprint. Even though everybody knows their lovable Goth could never hurt a fly, sometimes the threats are very much needed. For instance, when DiNozzo messes with everything he can touch.

"Ohhhhh what does this do?"

Abbey had just gotten a new microscope, very complex. DiNozzo (being the accomplished Senior Field Agent that he was) of course noticed the out of place thing right away. Now, bear with me here, Abbey had a slide on the microscope; carefully focused and perfected. And DiNozzo messed with it.

"DiNozzo! Do you realize that I can kill you and leave no forensic evidence?"

"Quite aware Abbs."

Another use of the mildly threatening words was used for McGee. Now naturally, being an experienced author, McGee has an extraordinary way with words. When typing on his typewriter, the words flow naturally and make perfect and excelled sense. But when talking, the words sometimes don't come out in the right order. This makes for an awkward conversation.

"I'm not saying you're not pretty, just that, like, some people are pretty, and..."

Whatever he meant, and whatever context this was out of, it didn't matter,

"McGee, you do realize that I can kill you and leave no forensic evidence right?"

And indeed he did.

And sometimes, the empty threat was just used for putting people in their place. For instance, when the director stupidly assigned her an assistant she did not need nor want.

"And remember, wear these bells always, do not ever touch anything, and keep in mind that I can skillfully kill you without leaving one shred of forensic evidence."

Whether true or not, it certainly did come in handy.

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_Special thanks to **pokefan911**, thank you for reviewing, I hope you enjoy._

_Special thanks to **PancakesAndSunshine**, I like that word a lot, and the luckies hippo alive thing was not meant as a joke but it definitely was funny._

_Special thanks to anyone else who has read followed or favorited, I love you... seriously_

_Reviews fuel the fire._


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry for the delay people, I actually had to write this one. Just kidding. This winter break I have taken the oppurtunity to try out my new Google Chrome by not just trying to type on their poor substitute for Microsoft Word, but by also indulging in the wonder that is called Hulu. It has changed my life (and by that I meant has helped me fulfill my duties to become a full blown procrastinator). Well darlings, enjoy and happy hunting._

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. Which, should be obvious seeing how I am writing stories about it to get attention. If I did own it I would already have all the attention that I need._

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**Abbey Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots: It's for the best that she works in forensics**

Sometimes, Abbey wishes she could go to a crime scene. While she is perfectly happy to work under her own terms in her quaint little lab, she occasionally thinks about doing what her three musketeers do.

Sure, she helps with the crime solving thing, processing evidence, catching the culprit; but she yearns to be out there at least once, giving justice and closure.

Of course, Abbey wouldn't know what to do if she ever was in the field. Thanks to her interest in forensics since a young age, she is very skilled with her job. But she severely doubts that her being able to match fingerprints and fibers will help her shoot a gun.

She remembers one time she did go to a crime scene though; when it was in their very own squad room. She remembers how Timmy had called her a Disneyland tourist.

While she denies that she really looked like that, she admits that it would be distracting to show up to a crime scene looking like a visitor gawking at scenery in a theme park.

Yeah, maybe it's for the best that she's a forensic scientist and not a field agent.

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_I just realized that my author notes pretty much make up like half the sotry. *Sigh* It's tough being a fan girl._

_Okay, experiment: If you read this could you please review, maybe a hi. I'm just trying to see how many people are reading this just for future reference. Thank you._

_Special thanks to** pokefan911**, which episode was it?_


	6. Chapter 6

_I've decided that this isn't going to become a regular thing because I already have a series running (Original Glee) and don't really have time for another one. So I will update this when I am bored and feel like writing._

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS, if I did Ziva will look to Tony for comfort after her father died. I will find out tonight what really happens, but i doubt it is that. _

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**Abby Scuito's Collection Of Pointless One-Shots: Cloning, if scientifically possible, might seem fun, but I doubt I will like it at all because I am me, and i don't want a clone**

Why was Abby Scuito so theatrical?

Loud music, dark clothing, cheery personality; what was with all the theatricality?

Was it for attention?

It might have started out that way, but it definitely wasn't now.

Maybe it was for the reassurance that she was different, that there was nobody on the planet Earth (lifeforms from other planets not included) exactly like Abigail Scuito.

It's quite a reassurance, actually.

Let me ask you this, and really think about it, do you really want there to be an exact copy of you somewhere out there?

We have all seen the girls, following each other around, with the straight hair and same brand shirts, and same boots.

This was better. This way, Abbey knew she would never become her worst nightmare, one of those girls, And that was all right.

So, if someone tells here acting like that and dressing like that is just a cry for attention, she will know the truth.

She found who she is, it's the other girls that need the attention.

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_Special thanks to:_

_PancakesAndSunshine_

_pokefan991_

_and, Canon Correction for the canon correction (Abby, not Abbey people!)_

_Reviews fuel the fire_

_PS. I pushed enter a lot of times because it looked really short in paragraph form... not sure if this is actually any better though._


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